STEVE ALMIGHTY

A Very Stevely Christmas Part 2

Disciples of the Steve,

Gumdrops upon you. Here, as promised, is part two of the traditional Christmas tale. Enjoy the privileged of partaking in the heritage of generations. It is both genuine and true, and may move you to tears. I, Steve, am utterly blameless however.

 

“This is all your fault Steve ~

Hello!

~ if you’d just kept your mouth shut, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

Gabriel panted as he flew above the clouds, shouting orders to Steve into his iPhone 5 (Heaven always gets the latest model). Thanks to Steve, they now had to deal with the entire affair, up to and including the genetically mutated fleas on the backs of the sheep (they couldn’t have Jesus catching some horrible sheep disease and dying prematurely now could they?). And all because Steve had insisted on that stupid fez …

Somewhere in ancient Turkey

“Al-iblis, what is this thing that has fallen from the skies?”

“I know not Al-seytan, but it seems somehow … right …”

“I know what you mean Al-iblis ….. there’s a name ….”

A clear name …..”

“Fez”                                                                                                                                 “Red hat with black tail thing”

*uncomfortable silence*

“Although I will admit your name has something of a ring to it …..”

On the Road to Bethlehem

“Honestly, these donkey jams are taking FOREVER!”

Hello!

“What in the name of red hats with black tail things is THAT!?!

Hello! I am being STEEEEEEEEEVE.

In the sudden silence, you could hear a fez drop. And indeed one did, right on top of Steve.

Help! Help! I is being crushed!

Shocked travelers stood by, helpless, as Steve was crushed. Unfortunately, at the very moment of death, Gabriel appeared.

“Oh hang on, quit moaning, I’ll be there in a second, I’ve just got this email to finish – ooh look! I’ve got another 20 hits on my blog!”

Helppp meeeee!

“Get a grip Steve, you know God won’t let you die until we finish this job, and we’ve still got all the shepherds to get outfitted – New Look were out of robes, I’ll have to try Republic.”

As Steve pushed his way out from under the fez, Gabriel became aware of his audience, many of whom had fallen on their faces in the dust.

“What are you doing that for? It’s a recipe for trouble that, dust stains take AGES to get out, I know more than any one – come along Steve – it’s really bad for the washer as well, it gets all gunged up with dirt …”

With this, he departed, taking Steve with him. Traffic for the remainder of that day was an all time high, as travelers kept stopping to tag themselves at ‘Angels Stop’ on Facebook. Luckily, Mary and Joseph had stopped overnight at a Premier Inn, so avoided the rush.

Part three will appear shortly, courtesy of an old friend of mine …..

Peace and Bananas,

STEVE ALMIGHTY

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